Obituary alert: Hose are dead! Yay, legs!
Posted: Wednesday, June 25, 2008
by J. Louise Larson
http://familyrootsandwings.blogspot.com/
Hose are dead! Long live legs!
Great news in the fashion world, and this time it has trickled down to the real world: That scourge of womanly comfort, pantyhose, are dead. This is not a sad obituary.
It's official: the Wall Street Journal has proclaimed the death of hose. (See obituary here: Here)
Great news in the fashion world, and this time it has trickled down to the real world: That scourge of womanly comfort, pantyhose, are dead. This is not a sad obituary.
It's official: the Wall Street Journal has proclaimed the death of hose. (See obituary here: Here)
Even the most hose-insistent golf-shirt wearing Midwestern exec, Jim Holt, president of Mid American Credit Union, a small financial institution in Wichita, Kan., formerly adamant that his female employees were not fully dressed without hose EVEN UNDER PANTS, has conceded the point.
Once again, the revolution was led by the young, just as prior generations raised hemlines, shocked their grandmas by climbing into pants and shrugged out of corsets.
The shoe is on the other foot! And now there isn't any hose in it. The pressure is off to conform, for women who might not ever dream of getting breast implants but still had to pretend their legs were an unnaturally tan shade of plastic.
I do believe hose are dead. Further, I believe they were invented by men -- misogynistic ones at that, perhaps the forebears of the few corporate dinosaurs who still want women to suffer like sausages stuffed into casings.
And to those few guy execs still trying to enforce their nylon standards on the legs of women in the workplace, I propose a new bumpersticker: If you can tell if I'm wearing pantyhose or not, you're staring too close.
If men had to wear pantyhose, they would have been chunked long ago. And no, I don't buy the argument that if men have to wear ties, women should have to wear hose. Joe Exec, if you don't want to wear ties, then you'll have to get your own revolution.
Do I feel sorry for Hanes now their leg-irons have gone the way of the hula hoop? No. It was a conspiracy to keep women trudging (hose-bound) to the store, run after run (so to speak), to feed their addicted lingerie drawers, to kow-tow to a misogynistic society.
Next thing you know, women will realize that high heels can kill.
We'll wake up to the fact that, hello, no one is really fooled by hair color -- that everyone knows there's grey under there and we are all, in fact, aging despite our bottled protests to the contrary, and that's okay, and then L'Oreal and Clairol will have to suck it up and find something else to sell to us.
I hear hula hoops and hose companies are for sale cheap...
Hose were predeceased by their mother, Garter Belts. They are survived by their step-siblings, Socks, Bare Feet and Winter Tights.
Once again, the revolution was led by the young, just as prior generations raised hemlines, shocked their grandmas by climbing into pants and shrugged out of corsets.
The shoe is on the other foot! And now there isn't any hose in it. The pressure is off to conform, for women who might not ever dream of getting breast implants but still had to pretend their legs were an unnaturally tan shade of plastic.
I do believe hose are dead. Further, I believe they were invented by men -- misogynistic ones at that, perhaps the forebears of the few corporate dinosaurs who still want women to suffer like sausages stuffed into casings.
And to those few guy execs still trying to enforce their nylon standards on the legs of women in the workplace, I propose a new bumpersticker: If you can tell if I'm wearing pantyhose or not, you're staring too close.
If men had to wear pantyhose, they would have been chunked long ago. And no, I don't buy the argument that if men have to wear ties, women should have to wear hose. Joe Exec, if you don't want to wear ties, then you'll have to get your own revolution.
Do I feel sorry for Hanes now their leg-irons have gone the way of the hula hoop? No. It was a conspiracy to keep women trudging (hose-bound) to the store, run after run (so to speak), to feed their addicted lingerie drawers, to kow-tow to a misogynistic society.
Next thing you know, women will realize that high heels can kill.
We'll wake up to the fact that, hello, no one is really fooled by hair color -- that everyone knows there's grey under there and we are all, in fact, aging despite our bottled protests to the contrary, and that's okay, and then L'Oreal and Clairol will have to suck it up and find something else to sell to us.
I hear hula hoops and hose companies are for sale cheap...
Hose were predeceased by their mother, Garter Belts. They are survived by their step-siblings, Socks, Bare Feet and Winter Tights.
See an ongoing debate about this on mediabistro.com here: http://mediabistro.com/bbs/cache/t39788_1.asp
This Article has been viewed 1,305 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)hi j, is there an alternative? this was a funny, well written article. pantyhose, much like the "bra" are a contraption, not a luxury! if i'm not going out, don't expect anything but pajamas if you stop by my house unexpectedly:) best regards, sue thom
Ha! Thanks for the note, Sue. I consider pantyhose definitely a contraption!
Hi J. Great article and my sentiments exactly. Luckily, I've been working the last few years in places that could care less that I refuse to wear pantyhose. Bras are only slightly less uncomfortable and I believe they were also invented by a very misogynistic man. I'm with Sue Thom...don't expect my breasts to be up under my chin and my legs to appear nicely tanned if you drop by my house expectedly or unexpectedly. Ain't gonna happen! Hooray for the death of pantyhose. Now what do we have to do to kill the bra? Oh, and if men are tired of wearing ties...well then they should stop wearing ties. Really, I think it's stupid to judge whether someone can do a good job based on whether they wear ties or not. Thanks for a fun article! DianneThanks Dianne -- appreciate the commiseration. Love that idea -- kill the bra!
J, you had me laughing out loud! Now when was the last time I read an article that did that? Thanks for the best humor I have heard in a long time. You are such a gifted writer!Pleased to have contributed to your day! You are most kind, Linda. Thanks for reading!
Hey, gir! Way to go! Great article.Thanks for reading, Jenny!
Amazingly funny and so glad to hear it is official. Most of the ladies in my office have been rebels for the past 5 or so years, though there are a few that can't seem to get past the idea of not wearing them. Soon they will see the light. :-) Great job! Blessings to you.See? You all are Trendsetters. Congratulations on "seeing the light" ahead of the Wall Street Journal ;) Thanks for reading!
No one is fooled by hair color? It might be going away? Oh, CRAP!! (I'm not worried about my wife's hair; I'm worried about mine!)Hee hee -- yes, actually, the hair color will eventual go away! Thanks for reading, Danny ;)
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